There are people who have it worse than me. They have fallen victim to genocide, rape, torture, starvation. We all grow up hearing about these individuals. Parent's making such remarks as: "You could feed China with your leftovers." You always just assume that these people lead completely different lives from you, that they don't fret over the petty stuff that seems to get our panties in a bunch.
I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love and it really puts things into perspective. As humans (though particularly those with a vagina), there are just certain things that are in our nature. One of the biggest foundations of life is love. Do you love me? And how much? She discusses how her psychologist friend once counseled Cambodian refuges, many of whom had witnessed the murders of their own families. And you would think, upon receiving free guidance, they would discuss the hard times they'd been through. Yet, a large number of refugees started their session with I really like this guy...
We all have different experiences in life. We've all overcome our individual obstacles in order to get where we are today. Sometimes we are living. Sometimes we are merely surviving. And still, we are all connected by our human nature. By our need to be loved and understood and accepted.
(This was my way of saying "don't bitch about my bitching, bitch". You know, in a more dignified manner.)
I proclaimed my love for a boy awhile back. It's hard not to feel like a failure when somebody chooses not to love you back. Like you aren't worth being loved. This is where I could lie and say that I don't still think about him constantly. That I don't look at my phone with every vibration and hope that it's him. I'm still in love with him. I will always be in love with him. But I'm not fool enough to think that is enough. Sometimes you have to recognize you love somebody. Yet realize that despite how your heart feels, you deserve way more than this individual could ever offer you.
Alex very well could love me back (though this is not my belief). He could be thinking about me right this second and want to be with me. But that doesn't change the fact that I deserve better. I should not have to save you all the time. I don't want to pick up your pieces. I have enough of my own goddamn issues than having to deal with yours too.
So, you just kind of learn to cope with the empty space in your heart. The part that he took all those years ago and never gave back. And you begin to understand that it isn't about filling the space as much as it is opening other places in your heart.